Should My Child Repeat A Grade?

Post 216

We all worry about the decisions we make that concern our children. Teachers do, too. All of us try to do our best. Personally I think the most you can hope for is that the majority of your decisions end up on the positive side of things. No one is perfect.

So, it’s now March. What should you do if you feel that maybe your little student is behind either academically or socially? Should you be thinking about having them held back or what? That’s a rough one that’s sure to keep you up at night!

First and foremost I would schedule a meeting with your child’s teacher…in person if possible. They are with your little one more than anyone else during the day and really know them. I would advise you to do it NOW and not wait until the end of the year. School districts tend to not hold students back. Letting the teacher know your concerns early will enable both of you to come up with a plan to help your child. Whether the problem is social or academic, it’s better to get going on a solution rather than letting it fester and get worse. (And it may not even be a problem. You won’t know until you meet with the teacher.) If there is a recommendation for further testing, I would find out exactly what the end goal is there. It’s probably to better understand what your child needs and exactly how to help them. As I’ve said before, no teacher is ever put out by families who are truly concerned about their child. Our goal is to help every student succeed. To do that, we need to work together. You are your child’s best advocate and their teacher is your best ally. Don’t be afraid to speak up.

That being said, what do you do if you have a meeting or are notified that the school wants to keep your little one back next year. It’s rare but it does happen. Over the course of many years of teaching I have recommended retention maybe twice. The first child was held back and many years later his dad (also a teacher) thanked me for it. The parents of the second child chose to send him along and within 3 weeks of the new school year starting, he was put back into Kindergarten. The big worry here is that the student will feel awkward in the same grade when all their former classmates are in a new one. Children are very resilient and make new friends within a couple of days. Honestly, if you and the school decide it is the best thing for your little one, do it. It is so much better than having them struggle for the rest of their school career.

In the end, trust yourself. If you are sensing that something isn’t quite right with your little one, set up that meeting. I promise you’ll sleep better!

Take Care. 🙂

Overheard At School…

Post 215

We are at the time of year when most children are pretty comfortable in school. From a positive point of view…that’s great! Children have formed friendships with kids in their class and with students in other classes. This is the perfect time to have playdates after school so that these friends can really get to know each other. And truly, some of these friendships can last well into adulthood.

On the negative side, children are comfortable enough with each other and the teacher to become tattletales. I don’t mean letting their teacher know if something important has happened but the annoying habit of telling the teacher everything that someone else has done. As educators, we try very hard to help students distinguish between what is necessary to “report” and what isn’t.

So what do you do when your child comes home saying something they heard at school? When is it time to talk to the teacher about it? Good question! First of all, trust yourself. You know your child best. If they tell you every little thing, you probably can sense if it is vital or not. Most importantly, if there is any way someone can be harmed physically, make the teacher aware of it. If it is emotional, that’s harder. In my opinion, if something is really causing your little one a lot of anxiety, I would schedule a chat with their teacher. Together, you will probably be able to come up with a solution and strategies to help your child cope. And chances are, if they are upset, other children in the class are, too. As their teacher, I would want to know so that I could take steps to clear up the situation. If left unattended, these things tend to fester and become bigger problems.

Don’t ever feel you are “a pain” or a nuisance in this sort of situation. No teaher is ever put out by a parent/caretaker who is truly worried about their child. We are here to help. That’s what school should be…a partnership between families and educators to do the best for our children. 😀

Take Care. 🙂

Valentine’s Day Cards

Post 213

Valentine’s Day is a big deal in Kindergarten! In my class, lessons and read alouds for the week center around it. And in most schools, there is some sort of party planned that includes giving and receiving Valentine cards.

Those cards are so much fun. 😀 The children love them. We usually make a “book” from construction paper to paste them in so that my students have a lasting memory of their first Valentine’s Day in school. (And so that the cards aren’t all over the place and make it home in backpacks. Lol.)

That brings me to an important point. If your child is giving out cards (and most do), please include one for each student in the class. It is so sad to see one child with a pile of cards and another with only one or two. 🙁 Teachers usually send home a list of first names for every child in their class. If not, you can ask your little one’s teacher for it. And please make sure to write names on the envelopes. In my experience, that is better than sending in 23 blank cards to be given out. Children get mixed up as to whom they have given them to and it can become chaotic if there are no names. Of course, follow whatever your child’s teacher specifies.

Another thought…we discussed writing a while back and this is the perfect time for your little student to practice theirs! Let them write their name on the card and if they are able, encourage your child to copy their classmates’ names onto the envelopes. This might be done more easily in a couple of sessions especially if there are a lot of students in the class. And it helps to show your little one that what they are learning in school has real world application…also called “authentic learning”. 🙂

So, enjoy this time with your child. Holidays, even the simple ones, are so much fun at this age. And it does go by quickly! Happy Valentine’s Day!

Take Care 🙂

Grumpy…During the Holidays?

Post 207

The holiday season is upon us. Whether you celebrate Christmas, Hanukah, Kwanzaa or something else, it’s here! And there are so many fun things to do, how can your five (four, six) year old be grumpy and out of sorts? Actually, it makes sense. This time of year, happy as it is, can be overwhelming to a young child. (to adults too, right?) So it’s not that unusual that your little student may be out of sorts. As grownups, we hide our feelings but with children what you see is what you get!

The biggest thing I would suggest is to not try to do everything that comes along. There are so many concerts, tree lightings, parades, visits with Santa, shopping, wrapping, baking, etc. that you can’t possibly do it all. And why would you? Try to choose a few things that are most important (an older sibling’s concert, for example) and most fun for your child and let the rest go. If you have time, you can add something else in and there’s always next year. 😀

I try to do the same in the classroom and I am guessing your little one’s teacher is the same. There are so many worthwhile theme lessons that I have to take a step back and realize that we can’t do them all. There’s no point in rushing my class through one project just so we can get to the next one. I try to emphasize giving to our loved ones and bring that into everything we do. To me, that’s the most important message of the season…thinking of others. And isn’t that the whole point of the holidays?

So, relish this joyous time with your little one. And try to do it at a pace you can all enjoy.

Take Care and Happy Holidays! 🙂

How Was School Today?

Post 201

A friend mentioned to me recently that she has been having a hard time getting her daughter to tell her any particulars about school. She only tells her the bare minimum and sometimes that’s hard to pull out of her. If your child is the same way, relax, it’s perfectly normal.

First of all, I think we need to remember how tired children are after a long day of school. Think about yourself after work. Frequently it’s the last thing we want to talk about when we get home! Your little one may be the same. Sometimes giving them time to have a snack and decompress before asking much is a good strategy.

You may also hear bits and pieces rather than a list of what went on all at once. My friend finds that more comes out about school when she colors with her daughter. I think that’s a great idea! Her little one is relaxed doing something she likes with her mom and therefore more likely to share.

Another way I have found works is to ask your child specific questions rather than general ones. Instead of “What did you do all day” try something such as “What book did your teacher read today” (there’s always at least one) or “Who did you play with during recess”. Asking something like “Did you get to use markers in Art today” will usually elicit more information than “Did you go to Art today”. Be patient and try not to bombard your child with questions the minute they get home. ( I know…it’s hard! Lol)

Of course, if your little one is one of those who loves to tell you everything about their day, enjoy it! But, if not, don’t give up. Tailor a couple of these ideas to them and they they will eventually share…with a little nudge from you! 😀

Take Care. 🙂

**If you have found a strategy that works with your child…such as the coloring one mentioned…please share it in the comments. We can all get good ideas from each other! Thanks.

Regression in May

Post 195

This is the time of year when everyone is looking ahead to summer and next year. It’s mentioned in school and also at home that your child will probably be moving to another grade and teacher. Everyone is excited and proud until suddenly it hits a lot of students…I’ll be in a different class 😳…I’ll have a different teacher 😥…Oh no!! 😩

The result of this panic very often is a regression to behaviors not seen since September. Reluctance to get on the bus, clinginess, and even acting out are all examples. Think about it. A young student has very little control over their environment and with children’s feelings what you see is what you get. They haven’t learned to hide feelings the way we adults do. So what’s the one thing they can do? Let them out…usually in a behavior that seems out of place such as crying or reluctance to do something they previously had no problem with.

We see this in school, too. I try to let the children know that even though they are in a different class they can always come and “visit’ me next year. I, of course, emphasize how smart they have become and have “learned almost all there is to learn in Kindergarten” and that First Grade will be so much fun. (I also let them know how very proud I am of them and that I love them.)

You can do the same at home. Let your little one know that you empathize with their feelings but that next year will be wonderful because they are more than ready for it. They’ve done a great job this year and you are so proud of them. Remind them that their Kindergarten (Preschool, First Grade) friends will be with them. And, of course, if there is a new playground or something else your child would enjoy involved, emphasize that! 🙂

Not all children are overly apprehensive about next year but most are a little nervous. By reassuring them that you understand and that it’s normal, you can ease any worries. And then both of you can enjoy the rest of this school year!

Take Care. 🙂

Helpful Parenting

Post 191

Helpful. Isn’t that the very definition of what we all try to be for our children? As parents (caretakers) we try to guide our little ones to make good choices as they grow. We try to help them avoid problems along the way and attempt to prop them up when they need support.One of the definitions you can find online of good parenting (there are lots!) is that it “aims to develop in children character traits like independence, self-direction, honesty, self-control, kindness, and cooperation.”

Whew! That’s a lot when it’s written in words, isn’t it? It puts a great amount of pressure on all of us as parents, caretakers, and teachers. If it were a job description, I think most of us would think twice before applying! Right?

But let’s look at that definition. Independence…we all try for that for our children. In the classroom, students take responsibility for completing a task correctly and on time. The same thing happens at home when your 5 year old dresses themself and brushes their teeth in the morning without being told to. Self direction is a little harder. In school, students are encouraged to choose projects, books, etc. that excite them . At home, I’m sure your child figures out what /whom to play with on their own. Honesty, self control, and cooperation are important in both the classroom and home. We expect our children to sit through a lesson or a dinner without yelling out and we reward them when they tell us what really happened or why it did. And kindness has become a new buzz word but what a good one it is! In school, I encourage my students to say, “I’m happy for you, my friend” whenever anyone reaches a goal as one act of kindness. I’m sure you do the same at home whether it’s praising your little one for sharing with a sibling or taking time to play with the dog.

The point is to first of all, trust yourself. You know your child best and therefore know what they need to be the best they can as they grow. Will you make mistakes? Of course! That’s called being human. We all do. But, hopefully, most of the decisions you make about your child will fall on the positive side. Also, know that you are your little one’s most influential role model. Whether we realize it or not, they are watching and absorbing everything. As a teacher, I am so aware of that. The way I talk to a student, the way I handle a situation, even the way I dress are all taken in by my pupils. They do the same, even more so, with their parents. A great example was when I had two students playing in the kitchen area. The little girl went to bring drinks to the table for “lunch”. The boy leaned back in his chair and said, “That’s ok. I’ll just have a beer.” Children absorb a lot more than we think!

The other thing to remember is to keep a sense of humor. Parenting like teaching can be hard but I think it is the most wonderful career on earth. Laugh with your child and enjoy them. I find children can brighten any day just with their enthusiasm and openness. Remember to have fun with yours!

Take Care. 🙂

Unkind Words

Post 188

“Unkind words”…That’s teacher language for when a child is bossy or mean to another child. But how mean can a five year old be? To adults it all can seem so trivial. But nothing cuts as deeply in the primary grades as the sentence, “You can’t come to my birthday party.” Just the look on the other child’s face tells you that. It isolates them from a.group and makes them one of the “unchosen” ones.

This is the time of year that remarks like that surface in the classroom. The students have been together since September and have formed groups. They like playing with one person over another. And that’s ok! What’s not ok is hurting someone’s feelings with words. So, frequently I bring out a cute bear puppet named Muffin when we are in a class meeting. Muffin will often have a “problem” that mirrors what went on in the classroom. In this case, Muffin would be upset about not getting invited to a birthday party. The class would brainstorm ways that the other person could have talked to Muffin without hurting feelings. I would also make sure to include the child who originally said the offending remark as we make a chart of phrases that Muffin could use. (Afterward I would talk privately to that student about using nicer words when playing with friends.) The biggest thing I would try to get across to the class through Muffin is that while it’s fine to like some classmates better than others, they have to be nice to ALL the students in the class.

At home, you can do the same thing. For example, if your child wants to have a playdate with one student over another, fine. But remind them that they need to respect other students and not use sentences such as,”You can’t come”, to the other child. And if your little one is the one left out, try to remind them that there are lots of other children in the class that are fun. Help them think of ways they could play with another student. (It’s tricky and will break your heart at times. But the good news is that children move on from these situations very quickly…even if you never forget it!)

Your child is beginning to grow up a bit. These situations are the first of many that will come up. They are lucky to have you to help them navigate them!

Take Care. 😀